Like many others who learned late about neurodiversity, I moved through early life without understanding how differently I experienced the world.

At eighteen, I received a deep insight into how this world truly works — far beyond any doctrine or discourse. It was enlightenment, more real than anything I thought was possible in this life. But instead of peace, it brought a profound loneliness. I suddenly saw that most of what is true and meaningful had been twisted, and the weight of it felt like it rested on me alone.

Back then, I had no language for what had happened. Deeply skeptical of anything spiritual, I concluded something must be deeply wrong with me — that I had been awakened by mistake. Every time I tried to speak about it, I met skepticism, rejection, or ridicule.

It took until my autoimmune diagnosis at thirty-six for the pieces to finally come together. Only then did I understand why my experience had always felt so different, and why talking about it had been so challenging.

Had I known back then what I know now, I might not have buried the story for twenty years. Shame about being different kept it hidden. That’s why I’m sharing it now — to show how it all connects.